Who knew there were good jokes about Zhou Libo’s talk show?

1. When Obama came to China, he spent 1 out of 4 days in Shanghai. Shanghai is China in the eyes of foreigners, but a foreign country in the eyes of Chinese people. Some netizens said, "What would happen if Zhou Libo were to meet Obama?" I said, Obama would take out a photo of Bin Laden and give it to me, and then say, "Nai Zute!"

2. What is harmony? ? Harmony, next to the heaves, represents food, and the mouth is the mouth, which means everyone has food to eat; Harmony, next to the words, is speech, and everyone means everyone, which means everyone can speak. Harmony means that everyone has food to eat and everyone can speak.

3. China is the largest creditor of the United States, holding 800 billion U.S. Treasury bonds. The poor lend money to the rich, so when you see an American waving "Hi" to you on the street, follow He said, "Hi, hi, pay back the money!"

4. Many Beijingers like me and want to invite me to perform in Beijing, but I won't go. I said that if you like me, fly to Shanghai to watch it. Me, this can also boost Shanghai's GDP.

5. Housing prices have become an eternal pain in the hearts of the people. Tomson Yipin sold for 100,000 per square meter a few years ago, but no one bought it. This year, it increased to 160,000 per square meter and several units were sold. Why do you say it has nothing to do with the people? 160,000 yuan is discounted in half to 80,000 yuan per square meter. Would you buy it? I still can't afford it, and if I put a price of over 80,000 yuan, I still can't afford it at 40,000 yuan per square meter. I wouldn't want a house like this given to me because I can't afford the property management fee.

6. What does white-collar workers mean? That is to say, all the wages received are used, all "white-collar workers". If you have no desires, you will be strong. People who grovel in the workplace are people who have mortgages to repay. Why are Japanese people so polite? Because they all have loans.

7. It is better to do 100 good things for the leader than to do 1 bad thing with the leader.

8. The mainstream audience of the Spring Festival Gala is 900 million farmers. If Zhou Libo is the side dish of Shanghai people, then Zhao Benshan is the northern dumpling of the people across the country.

9. Before the age of 40, do not buy a house before you have achieved full financial freedom. If you want to buy a 3 million house in Shanghai, you can’t find a good location, and the mobile phone signal is not clear. The down payment is 1.5 million, and you will pay 1 million yourself. The remaining 500,000 will be borrowed from your parents if you ask your parents. You can’t even be a friend if you borrow money from friends. If you don’t want to make friends with someone, then ask him to borrow money. If you don’t If you treat a friend as a brother, ask him to pay back the money. There are still 1.5 million yuan to borrow from the bank. Even if the interest rate is 30% off, the bank will have to pay back 7,298.53 yuan every month, and the bank interest will be 2,627,470.80 yuan per month for 30 years. More than 2.62 million! The bank is Mr. Nong? I might as well give this money to my parents.

10. What is a mortgage? Mortgage means pressing you to the ground and peeling off your skin layer by layer. There is a kind of cruelty expressed in a gentle way.

11. I dare to assert, but I am in no way responsible. The number of houses in Shanghai will definitely double in five years, but this has nothing to do with the people.

12. Banknotes are yours only after they are used. Open your wallet and look at the unused banknotes. It has "People's Bank of China" printed on them. It has nothing to do with you.

13. When you have the first 1 million in your life, all the money is yours; when you have the first 10 million in your life, 20% of it will be used by the society. Holding, because you have to bear social responsibility; when you have assets of over 100 million, is the money yours? It's not yours anymore! You are just helping this society manage assets. If you don't manage it well, you will be Huang Guangyu.

14. Chinese people will suffer disaster if they love them. If they love their children, they will eat household items.

15. When education is linked to money, teachers become bosses, students become apprentices, and parents become ATM cash machines.

16. Nannies are easier to find than college students. They can give themselves three salary increases within 10 minutes. Chen Guoqing's family was looking for a nanny, and they initially agreed on a price of 1,800 yuan per month. Later, when the nanny entered the community and saw that the community was large and beautiful, she offered to increase the salary to 2,000 yuan a month. Then she walked into Chen Guoqing's house and saw The huge photo of Chen Guoqing hanging on the wall immediately increased to 3,000 a month.

17. When promoting, some funds said that they had an income of 30% last year and so-and-so ranked first. But how much changes in a year? A year ago, A-Bian was still the number one brother in Taiwan, but now it is useless for him to take Viagra.

18. No matter who you are, you only need half a bed to sleep. If you sleep a little different, one bed is enough. You won’t have to sleep in 2,000 beds just because you are Li Ka-shing. , you can roll on it. < /p>

20. China’s stock market is no longer a stock market, it is an accident. The stock market should not be a fighter jet, but a civil aircraft. In theory, the probability of an accident should be lower than the probability of Chinese football rushing out of Asia.

21. When investors make money, they hear about it, but when they lose money, they encounter it themselves. They don’t believe it when the bull market comes, and they don’t admit it when the bear market comes.